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I was very excited after reading this article that Healthcare.gov now allowed you to cancel existing applications (for example, applications that had 5 husbands that even the advanced help team couldn’t remove) and start over.

So, while waiting for the cheese to melt for my dang quesadilla, I thought I’d quickly log on and then I could restart my application while eating lunch.

I entered my username and password.  Nothing happened.  The log-in page just refreshed.  I thought, maybe I used my email as the username.  Weird, but not unheard of for me.  Doesn’t work, but at least I got an error message this time.  I double check my registration email for the correct username.  I was correct the first time, so I try the regular combination again.  Nada.  I know it’s not my password because I use the same basic one with easily memorized variations for almost everything.  But I hit “reset password” anyways, because what else am I going to do?

I answer the first two security questions just fine.  Then I get to the third: Name of childhood best friend.  Hell, I don’t know!  When during childhood?  Matt?  Cassie?  Diana?  Andrea?  Heather?  I pick the one I thought I was most likely to have picked and wonder why I picked that for a security question, because the answer is so ambiguous.

I got it wrong.  I try again, but with a different childhood friend’s name.  Wrong again.

I have the brilliant idea to create a new log-in.  And I see the options for security questions.

Date of your parent’s anniversary?  Doesn’t accept standard date format, so I know I’ll never remember what format I entered it.

Phone number of a relative?  I can see the childhood friend question repeating itself.  Which relative?  Which relative do I even know their phone number?  They’re all saved in my phone and the only time I’ve ever looked at the actual number was when I entered it into said phone.  Which relative will I think in three months that I would have picked three months ago?  It’s so recursive!

So that’s why I think I chose the childhood friend question.

While careening down the rabbit hole of self-psychologizing my childhood, family relationships, and what is an important memory for me now, in the past, and in the future in a task that was supposed to take 30 seconds, I smell burning.

And that is how Obamacare ruined my lunch.DangQuesadilla